Non-Violent Communication 

Communicate in a way that is not threatening. 
It helps you to be honest with others without criticising, insulting or putting down them. 
Following the next pattern helps: 

When [observation], I feel [emotion] because I'm needing some [universal needs]. Would you be able to [request]? 

 

Observation vs Evalutation 

Start your disagreement with something concrete. Not an opinion. Something you saw or read. Something objective. 
Example: you said you were going to send x before y and you didn't. That's an observation. An evaluation — which you could say when you're emotional at a given point — is you're lazy. 
As an observation can't be refuted, you won't lose time discussing about that. 
 

Emotions vs Thoughts 

E.g. I feel frustrated vs I think you are not taking this seriously. 
If you can replace "feel" with "think", it is a thought, not a feeling. 
List of underlaying emotions and their connection to  Universal needs    https://www.slideshare.net/nonviolent/evaluative-w...
E.g. I feel misunderstood -> I feel frustrated 
 

Universal needs 

Everyone agrees that everyone should have 
E.g. I need transparency — instead of I need that you add me in copy of all emails 
 

Requests vs demands 

Make the request very specific and say what you want — instead of what you don't want. E.g. I request that when a team member shares an idea you ask some questions before dismissing them — instead of "I request that you don't dismiss ideas from other team members"  #Feedback
 
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